Diary of Fear

Forenote: I originally wanted to write a 'Diary of Hate', but I promised to be more positive, so the subject had slightly been changed. 

Each person has his/her own fear (sensation of discomfort) towards certain things and/or situations. As a normal human being, I do have my own dreads.

Some of them are insignificant and could be "tolerable" (Nah! Not really, but can be managable with greater efforts):
- Creepy-crawlers.
- Height.
- Homo sapiens.
- Dirtyness.
- etc.

The rest of them might require an even bigger courage to overcome:
- The idea of death...not knowing what will happen to you after that moment (Reincarnation? Heaven? Hell? Nothing at all?). It is like if you have lived all those years for nothing. Nobody will remember of your existence.
- The future. A person's faith has nothing to do with whether the person is good or bad. I start to believe that there's no such thing as karma. With years of observation, I have come to the conclusion that life is unfair. Good people don't always get a good ending and bad people don't always get punished. Anyway, I will continue to do what I have to do, just in case my time hasn't arrived yet. At some point, I also believe that someone is watching us up-there. Sigh! I'm all confused. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. I can't even be clear on what I truly believe.
- Afraid of my own body structure (anatomy). Yes! Brilliant! I should grab this opportunity to analyze myself. (see section below)
- To lose. I don't like losing against others and certainly not failing myself...need to get everything done the way it's planned. I may not look like I care, but it highly disturbs me when people compare me with my sister and say how she's better. The worst is...I don't need you to tell me, because I already know.
- etc.
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Last minute addition. It is a little off subject, but I want to use this moment to think about what I'm not satisfied with my own body.

Self criticism: shoulders too broad, waist too large, tibias too short, fingers too similar to elephant legs, eyes too small and simple eyelid, buttocks too big, breast too small, neck too short, face too wide and square, jawbone too pronounced, forehead too short, hair too thick and hard, skin too dry, etc. Jeeeez!!! This list can go on for ever. It's definitely a big project whenever I decide to renovate myself. LOL You might think I'm being harsh with myself and exaggerating, but I see it as being honest.

A person can only improve if he/she knows his/her own weakness, right?