Moment of Truth

Warning: This post is about all kind of things tourmenting me for a while, which I need to get them out of my mind and heart before I go crazy (not talking about my natural weirdness, but the real definition from a dictionary). If you’re not ready or not willing to take this seriously, well…you are welcome to close this page and go do something else, something…more important to you than my feelings.

I’m a person who take critics in a good way. I like people to be direct and honest with me *nod*, but don’t you agree that there are ways to express your thoughts? It’s always possible to use nicer words to do so. Further more, critics don’t have to be negative all the time, some positive comments won’t hurt anyone. Why do you always have to be the perfect/best one who owns precious stuffs and I have to be the crap???

I might not be the smartest person on earth (actually I have no doubt about this), my name’s not Einstein. But, I’m surely not *in a firm tone* dumb/stupid/brainless/retarded…the small meat between my ears is PERFECTLY FUNCTIONAL. There are certainly things I know that you don’t. I strongly believe that there are no supreme knowledge. No one can ever refer himself/herself to a know-it-all specie without admitting that it’s a lie.
Having that said, I also have to make myself clear that in this world, no one is 100% alike/the same/similar (not even twins); therefore, I can’t possibly like everything you do, right??? I do have my own decisions, likes and dislikes. It happens that I coincidently love the same thing as you do or maybe got influenced by you, but for GOD’S SAKE stop referring me as your clone/shadow/copy. Argh!!! If you don’t want me to "copy" you, that’s fine, then how does it make me a retarded if I don’t share the same opinion as you? *confused* I accept you as you are…why can’t you do the same???
For those who think I’m one of those spoiled kids who have rich parents to buy me luxurious stuffs, you are totally WRONG. I am born in a middle-class family. I have to work a lot and hard to earn a living (example: just worked 3 weeks straight without a day off, including weekends), to be able to afford whatever and whenever I want things, and once in a while treat myself with exceptional goods. At least, I’m financially independant, right? So…don’t judge me by the clothes and accessories I own.

Sometimes, I just don’t know what I am to you anymore. I get the impression that I’m more a maid/slave/bouche trou/bag holder/umbrella holder…everything but a REAL friend/sister/daughter/employee. You need to stop giving me orders or at least say please and thank you. *tsk*

I totally understand that in each and every relation, there’s always one giving out more than the other (no exceptions to this rule) and I don’t mind being that person. I don’t want to calculate how much I give and how much I should get in return. No mathematic formulas applicable in a relation, but isn’t there suppose to be a limit afterall? Is it wrong to want respect from others? Can’t you just appreciate and be thankful to have me as your friend/sister/daughter/employee???

*scream in a desperate voice* I WANT TO FEEL APPRECIATED AND LOVED!!! *cries*

PS. I’m not writing this because I have no better things to do nor trying to hurt anyone. *sob* People care about…people who care about themselves, but I don’t care about them and certainly don’t care about people who don’t care about me.